So yeah, I kinda lost containment the last couple days. The truth, I am suffering from depression. At times I succumb to fits of the sullens. And I am a gamer. I do not think that the combinations of these two things are unique to my human condition.
Which is why I started this blog. I have not been posting of late for a number of reasons, too long to even record in blog format. Or at least too much info for public consumption.
I want to continue this blog as well as my other which will focus entirely on the happier aspects of community gaming because it helps me to write. I also hope that by continuing an open dialog it will help some one else who may also struggle as I do.
I am disappointed by SOE’s decision as presented in yesterday’s blog. I am more disappointed in myself for losing containment. That said, after taking a step back to breathe and gain perspective, I am feeling much better.
What I want is not something that is going to happen overnight. It is going to take years really for me to get to where I am going. Right now, I am stuck in a bit of a holding pattern while I wait for a few things that are out of my control.
But I have set a goal. I have found my peers. I believe that I will find happiness in the pursuit of my goal. Even if it does not turn out exactly the way I plan.
And now for some motivizational shit. Maybe cliché, but it works for me.
Further, you’ve only posted the winners in the other competitions that you held at SOE Live. Why not just leave it at what you’ve already posted for Planeside2? Why add seven additional teams and omit six?
You knew full well that you weren’t going to post all the scores at the time SOE. But you didn’t have the stones to give us the full truth at the time. Further, if you had said, “we’ll be posting some of the scores” I wouldn’t be upset in the least that you’ve ignored the 60 other players who names will be eradicated from gaming history. And why?
“Not providing you data on the event is not disrespect, it’s simple choice to prevent debate and negativity.”
Unfortunately for you RadarX you do not get to determine whether or not I feel disrespected by your lie. It is my feelings that were hurt. And I am the only one who has the right to make that determination.
“I don’t know if you personally will come back but in general? Yes I think people will come back because the event as a whole was fun. I know this because I talked to a number of you.”
Yes the event was a blast. But being marginalized and forgotten is not.
I participated in the event knowing full well that I would lose because I was hoping for a little love in return. Because you gave me every indication that we would have our team name and my outfit name reported in the results. Because I asked you. And apparently you lied to my face.
What’s worse, you’ve now come back and called me an ignorant entitled prat for expecting you to live up to your word. And voicing my opinion as such as earned me another week long vacation from the forums.
Yes, my opinion is an unpopular one. It always has been. It always will be. But it is mine. I know you are running a business and that I am entitled to nothing from you personally or SOE. But I took you at your word as a man. And your word was, “we will be posting the team scores in a few days.” But then in a few days your word changed to, “Unfortunately we will not be posting anything beyond total score for the top 10 teams and the top player for each category” and “Not providing you data on the event is not disrespect, it’s simple choice to prevent debate and negativity.”
If it is unfortunate then how is it not disrespectful?
Software only at this point. Attempting to diagnose frequent shutdowns. And drive hits to our new forumz. 😀
Re-installing Windows 7 after I finish my backup to externals.
So this link is much more useful in my case. The first one just had a pretty picture.
The saga continues…
Two things. First, like a noob I didn’t have my MODISC set to boot first in the BIOS. Second, Windows advice is misleading. Or I read it wrong. The method describe to recover failed. Got a clean reinstall by autorun when I put the Windows 7 disc in after Windows was running. 😀
The point of all this? Attempting to diagnose an ongoing catastrophic fail that leads to my PC browntowing.
As it turns out, it was in fact heat related. And now a lesson in thermodynamics. Heat rises. I laid my PC on the side so the fan was blowing up. Problem solved. For now.
My AMD 8 cores are running on the stock heat sink. Was doing a bit of testing honestly. It seems it needs an upgrade.
I was able to get video capz with XSplit running again and kept things under a reasonably warm 60 C for a few minutes at a time during my tests last night. I have adjusted Planetside 2 video settings to low and the frames were well above 40 in most cases.
Unfortunately a new lag bug seemed to be presenting itself. Lots of warping. There’s always something else.
Oh and I would like to welcome Mozilla Firefox back into my life for the first time again in many years it is better than Chrome.